Gather round gentle viewers...

Things aren't too bad right now, i'm sitting in the worst college course i've ever taken, so things right now are pretty terrible, but other than that i can pretty much deal. tomorrow i'll have i shiney new laptop to blog on, but there's something about mobile blogging, like the fact that LG decided that clogging was worth including in my T9. as far as my gaming goes, i got my priest to 70 and i planned out how much honor i'll need to get some decent gear. my guild is going pretty good but i've gotta wait for the others to start the arena and get really good stuff, but we'll get in eventually. the best part of the arena system is that you don't need to put in the time for raiding but you can still get quality gear that's designed for pvp, which i'm interested in. Well, dumb teach is about to get started so i gotta go.

Thinking critically

This semester at devry is quite a bit better than last. i'm taking 3 courses that are related to my major and i'm enjoying them quite a bit. The other class, the one i'm in now, is boring as shit. It's supposed to be a freshman course and since i'm new to devry i have to take it, even though i've already had 3 years of college work. I suppose i can suffer through it though. Thing are going well with diana, we spend most of our time together watching angel when i come over after school. i think she really likes it and i enjoy sharing some of my favorite characters and worlds with her. As far as WoW is concerned, my priest is 53 now, thanks to the new patch and i'm having a lot of fun with my new guildies. The eat lie next to me is singing now, so i think It's time to get back to zoning out!

So here i sit...

This class cost me almost 2 grand and i've hardly done anything all night, we talked to our group members after a super short lecture and now we're waiting for her to talk to us. The problem is that There's 6 groups so the other 5 groups have jack shit to do while we're waiting. things like this really make me appreciate the time i spent at citrus. Citrus had great, professional teachers that had a good grasp of their subjects. Here we've got temp teachers with different levels of competence. They actually fired all of their full time teachers in order to save themselves some money while we suffer. The other students are also total fucking morons, but that's a whole 'nother blog. (i got through this whole entry without my phone not having a word until blog)

Oh god

Sharing is Caring

I just installed μtorrent and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna stick with it. Azureus was awesome but it just hogs too much memory, right now μtorrent is taking up about 20 times less memory than Azureus does when it idles. before totally moving on though I want to immortalize my share ratio on the internet.

school sucks

I am not happy. I don't like devry and I don't like going there. so far the professors I've seen have not met my standards and their overall process is a pain in the ass. I really wish that I would have gone with ITT tech, I liked the environment much more. Even the students at devry just seem stupid. I want to drop out and go to ITT tech but my mom won't let me b/c it is more money and now I've already wasted time at devry. I hate it and I just don't to go there anymore :(

and it all comes crashing down

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know what the point is. it seems to me that diana and I just hurt each other more often than we're happy and I just don't know if this is going to work. I've never thought that I was good enough for her but I tried to be the person she deserved, maybe I just don't have that in me. I honestly can't imagine my life without her and when I do I just start crying. I'm so sick of this, I'm sick of feeling the way I do, thinking the way I do. I'm sick of everything. why can't I just be happy and have a normal life like everyone else?

Can't Sleep :(

blah

lol Drugs

So I just spent the last couple hours with my former best friend and this will not be a night I forget. that intro sounds like this would be a blog about an awesome night, but it was anything but. it started out with kara texting me telling me about how they're stuck at a park. of course I knew that they were pretty much last ditch to be trying to come over here, but I was bored and I thought company couldn't be that bad. it made me really sad to see the way ryan is now, I remember him the way he was when I first met him and looking at what he is now is just so different. him and his friend just kept repeating the same stories over and over again about how awesome drugs are and blah blah blah. it was sooo pathetic and so annoying! it almost want to take ryan and give him a lotro account and not let him leave, at least game addicted ryan might have done something with his life. all and all my 4th has been pretty crappy so far, I can't wait to go to diana's tomorrow, it should be fun :)

Not Fade Away

So I finally finished Angel as a series tonight. While it was airing I had watched most of seasons 1-3 and part of the fifth, but the inclusion of connor and what I had seen of the later years really turned me off to the show. a couple months ago I downloaded the whole thing and have been slowly working my way through. the first three seasons went pretty quickly, but the fourth had me at a stop as I just couldn't push my way through. I can't stand connor and I cordy's always been one of my favorite characters on angel, so turning her evil just wasn't something I could get behind. once I got into the swing of things with season five, however, I got through pretty quickly and really enjoyed it. I already knew about who dies and the closing line of the series, but getting up to that point was an awesome ride. "Not Fade Away" was an amazing closer and I really look forward to reading season six when it goes through. "Let's go to work."

H2G2

Yay! I just downloaded all five parts of the original hitchhiker's guide radio drama and I'm listening to it right now.

Puzzle complete!

We finally finished our puzzle, it took us about 4 days of work :)

Mobile Blogging

Now i've got this saved to my contacts, this could be neat :)

it's getting crowded in here

at any given time there is quite a lot going though my head. it's rather bothersome to be honest, from time to time I've even thought that I was going crazy. quite often I have some deep philosophical conversation with myself or I'll worry about what people think of me. sometimes I make up conversations with other people about something I'm thinking about or wonder what's going on elsewhere. I've even thought about how I was going to word this blog more than once. with all this I often with that I could just have some quiet.

and then I hang out with diana. whenever I'm alone with her it all just goes away. she often asks me what I'm thinking about, and all I can respond with is "I love you." I know that she doesn't believe that's what I'm really thinking about, but it is. when we're alone all that matters is that I love her and she loves me. the rest of it just disappears, she makes the craziness of the world stop. time seems to stop whenever I run my fingers over her body and the only thing that matters is pleasing this goddess that lays before me. I don't worry about my friends or the lack there-of, I don't think of corrupt political or religious systems, just her. I love it :)

blah

So I just spent the last twenty minutes uploading music to imeem cause they decided to cut about twenty songs on my playlist down to 30 second previews. I don't really get why they decide to do this, I mean sure, legal issues blah blah blah, but what's the point? all it does is make people download the songs and then post their own versions, taking up more and more memory space on their servers and people still hear the music they want on there.

I didn't really do much of anything today, I sat around and played lotro a lot. Respen's up to 33 now! It takes me a couple days per level now, which is kind of a drag since I could do a couple a day in WoW up until 60, but whatever. so far the game's been a blast.

I suppose that's all I feel like writing about for now, I'm in a pretty melo mood right now, I'm not really sure why. maybe that's why I felt like blogging, I miss the good old melo days.

Where Do We Go From Here?

The battle's done, and we kinda won,
So we sound our victory cheer.
Where do we go from here?

Why is the path unclear?
When we know hope is near.
Understand we'll go hand in hand,
But we'll walk alone in fear.
(Tell me) Where do we go from here?

What I've Done

Well, I finally did it. I finally told Diana the truth about everything. I knew that I'd have to tell her if we were ever to get married and go on to anything else but I was really really afraid of what would happen. I knew the things I did and the way I've lied to her for almost as long as we've been going out could be the end of us, but she at least had to know. I had no idea of knowing how she'd react, I didn't know if she'd just stop talking to me completely or if we would be able to work it out. So far we're still talking but I don't know how things will turn out. Diana pointed out that I'm not even fighting to stay together, but I don't even know if I should. I've put her through so much, should I try to convince her to stay with me? Should I try at all to influence what she's thinking about? I really don't know. In my heart I'm screaming at her to take me back, I can't stand the thought of losing her and I don't know what will happen if she decides to leave me; but my head tells me that I need to let her make the decision. I'm the one that fucked up and I can't really try and change her mind in this.
I know that I'm not very good with words and sometimes I'm not clear with what I mean. I've never ever doubted the way I feel for Diana, I've never tried to convince anyone that I wasn't with her, and I've never ever cheated on her or even flirted with anybody. For years now Diana has never known the whole truth about everything I've done, I wanted her to think I was the boyfriend she wanted, I wanted her to think that I was telling her the truth, I wanted her to think I was anything but what I really am. I don't know if I need counseling or what. I really don't know where I go from here. Maybe now, after clearing out almost 4 years of built up and intricately constructed lies I can finally move forward and change who I am. Diana knows what I've done, for better or for worse, if she wants to stay with me I have the opportunity to do it without lies and build a stronger connection in time, but if she doesn't then I have to accept that I killed our relationship. Diana has done everything she could to make sure that I was alright, she fed me, put gas in my car, put clothes on my back, and gave me the time of day when nobody else would. I really don't deserve her to come back, do I?

Chazzy Chaz

Rest In Peace
Last night somebody hit and killed my cat Chazzy. When he was found he was already dead, so I can only hope that he didn't suffer.
<3 Chazzy

The Future Freaks Me Out

"She says, 'Hey,
I rock the Haro sport,
I rock the cow girl blues,
I rock too fast for love.
I’m footloose in my Velcro shoes.
What’s up with Will & Grace?
I don’t get drum and bass.

The future freaks me out.'"

And it really, really does. We don't know what's gonna happen in a year, in an hour, not even within the next second with total certainty. It hardly seems fair at all that we can invest countless hours of our time, our very blood, sweat, and tears into something that we believe in and it can go up in smoke in a heartbeat, but that's what life is, isn't it? All the little changes that can happen to us in between surges of blood. A note held for 3 minutes isn't music, it's how that note changes that turns it into a song. Time spent building up something that falls apart was not time wasted, every single second of your life is all an important part in the equation that equals your last second of consciousness. I won't be around forever, but I'd like to think that I made an impression on the lives of the people around me.

Angel

I've been called antisocial...but that's not really true.
It isn't that I don't like people...at least, in the abstract. There are some I could do without.
It's just that I don't feel the need to fill all the silent moments with mindless chatter.
When I have something worth saying, I say it. Pretty simple.
Doesn't mean I have anything against people.

Hello World!

So I guess I should get in on this whole blog thing, I haven't kept a blog for a couple years now, not since melo and I think it might help me deal with some shit, getting my feelings out and all that jazz. So yeah, I'm headed out to hang out with Diana right now, but I just wanted to get this whole thing set up.